Only In Our Hearts...

A week ago, I was browsing the Russian database for orphans to check in on my Yana. (Something I periodically do just to make sure she is there.) Suddenly I realized...she wasn't there. 

My heart droppped.

Where was she?

What had happened to her?

I frantically kept going through the five pages of orphans from her region that fit the same perimeters as she.....nothing.

There were only two possible reasons I could come up with that would cause her to be removed from the database...adoption...or death.

Of course, my heart went to the worse case scenario and I started freaking out. I messaged my friend that I had met through Reece's Rainbow. She had close connections with the orphanage director and promised me she would find out.

A few days passed, those days feeling like years worrying about the unknown.

Then yesterday I received a response.

Our sweet Yana has been placed with a foster family!

Not knowing the specifics of this arrangement, I questioned further. Was she with a loving family that would be adopting her? Was she just placed with a family so that they could receive money for her? Is there any future in her still being adoptable if Russia was to reopen its adoptions?

The answers I received both brought me joy and pain all at once.

Yana was placed with a family whom the director of the orphange believes to be a "good family" Most likely she will not be adopted, only fostered ( I assume there is more support from the government for fosters).

And finally....she will most likely not be available for adoption even if the doors would reopen.

Initially I was sad. For the longest time I still believed that some day down the road, we would be able to pursue her. I held out to the belief that one day she would be ours.

However, we know now that only in our hearts will she be ours.

This is a joyous day though....not many Russian orphans are given the opportunity to be part of a family...especially those with special needs.

So I will celebrate through my selfish pain. I will pray that she has the life she deserves, with a family that loves her. And I will wish her joy!

I will cherish the road she led us on to bring us to our Danny, and I will continue to advocate for the others left behind!

Good luck sweet girl! You will always have a piece of my heart.